Utilizing Transference in Psychodynamic Couples Therapy

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Many couples enter therapy confused by the same recurring argument – different topic, different day, same emotional intensity. What looks like a disagreement about chores or communication is often something much older. Psychodynamic couples therapy suggests that a great deal of conflict between partners is driven not by the present moment, but by emotional patterns rooted in the past. At the center of this understanding is the concept of transference – a process through which people unconsciously project feelings, expectations, and relational dynamics from previous relationships onto the people in their present lives, including their partners.

Table of Contents

What is transference?

Transference is a phenomenon in which feelings, attitudes, and expectations tied to an important figure from one’s past – most often a parent or primary caregiver – are unconsciously redirected toward someone else in the present. The concept was first introduced by Sigmund Freud in the 1890s through his psychoanalytic practice. Freud noticed that patients directed emotions toward him that had no real basis in their actual relationship. He came to understand these as projections of unresolved internal conflicts, not reactions to him personally.

In the broadest sense, transference involves the repetition of old emotional responses in new relational contexts – and this process happens entirely outside of conscious awareness. A person may feel disproportionately angry at a partner’s tone of voice, or intensely anxious when a partner is emotionally unavailable, without connecting those reactions to anything in their history. That emotional intensity is often the signature of transference at work.

Transference and projective identification in couples

In individual therapy, transference typically occurs between a client and a therapist. In couples therapy, the dynamic becomes significantly more complex – both partners simultaneously project onto each other, and the relationship itself becomes the arena in which unconscious material is played out. This is where transference intersects with a closely related concept: projective identification.

Projective identification, first described by psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, goes a step further than simple projection. In projection, a person attributes their own uncomfortable feelings to someone else. In projective identification, they not only project those feelings but unconsciously interact with the other person in ways that actually induce those feelings in them. The recipient starts to feel and behave in accordance with what has been projected – sometimes without any awareness of how it happened.

In couples, research by Arthur C. Nielsen describes projective identification as a process that bridges individual psychodynamics and interpersonal experience, making it a powerful lens for understanding why couples repeatedly hurt each other in patterned, predictable ways. One partner carries all the emotional vulnerability, the other all the anger. One becomes the pursuer, the other the withdrawer. These polarities are rarely coincidental – they reflect an unconscious division of emotional labor driven by each person’s internal world.

British psychoanalyst Henry Dicks, whose 1967 landmark work Marital Tensions laid critical groundwork for the field, proposed that partners unconsciously recognize aspects of their own internal world in each other – a concept known as unconscious couple fit. Partners are often drawn together precisely because each person’s projections “fit” with the other’s – complementing unresolved conflicts in ways that feel, at first, like deep compatibility.

How transference shows up in couples therapy

Transference in couples therapy rarely announces itself clearly. It tends to emerge in the texture of sessions – in overreactions, emotional withdrawals, recurring accusations, or a partner’s persistent sense that they are being treated as someone they are not. Below are the most recognizable forms.

Parental projections

One of the most common transference dynamics involves projecting qualities of a parent onto a partner. A person who grew up with a critical or emotionally distant parent may unconsciously perceive their partner as similarly critical or unavailable – even when the evidence doesn’t fully support it. The SAMHSA treatment literature on psychodynamic therapy describes this as the process of transferring “prominent characteristics of unresolved conflicted relationships with significant others” onto present figures. The partner becomes, in effect, a stand-in for a historical relationship that was never fully resolved.

Sibling dynamics and rivalry

Not all transference originates from parental relationships. Sibling dynamics – competition for attention, feelings of being overlooked, or deeply ingrained roles within a family – can also be projected onto a partner. One partner may unconsciously cast the other as the favored sibling, interpreting their independence or success as a form of rejection. These projections can generate resentment that has no real basis in the current relationship.

Idealization and devaluation

Psychology Today notes that transference can be positively or negatively shaded. In idealized transference, a partner is elevated – attributed with near-perfect qualities they don’t fully possess. This idealization often serves as a defense against anxiety or past disappointment. When the idealized image inevitably cracks, devaluation follows. Both extremes reflect the same underlying dynamic: the partner is not being seen clearly, but through the distorted lens of previous emotional experience.

Mutual projective identification

Perhaps the most entangling form of transference in couples is what occurs when both partners are simultaneously projecting onto each other – what Joan Lachkar has called dual projective identification. Both partners deny their projections and both identify with what the other projects. The result is a self-reinforcing cycle: a partner terrified of being worthless may induce contemptuous behavior in their partner; a partner afraid of abandonment may, through pursuing behavior, elicit more emotional distancing. Each confirms the other’s worst fear.

The role of the therapist in working with transference

A psychodynamically trained couples therapist does not simply mediate conflict – they observe it. The therapist pays close attention to how partners react to each other in the room, looking for patterns of disproportionate emotion, recurring misattributions, or moments when a partner seems to be responding to someone who isn’t quite there. Identifying these moments is the first step in utilizing transference therapeutically.

Once transference is identified, the therapist helps the couple trace its origins. This involves building a safe therapeutic space in which both partners can explore their emotional histories without judgment. The goal is not simply to name the projection, but to help each partner understand why they are seeing what they see. As this understanding develops, partners begin to separate the present person from the historical figure they have been unconsciously superimposing on them.

Research on transference interpretations in psychodynamic therapy has found that when therapists explicitly link a patient’s current reactions to earlier relational patterns, this tends to increase insight and reduce negative emotional expression – including anger and sadness. In the couples context, this interpretive work can be transformative. When a partner understands that their rage at being “ignored” is partly a re-activation of childhood feelings of neglect, they are better positioned to respond to their actual partner rather than react to a ghost from the past.

Countertransference in couples therapy

Transference does not only move between partners – it can also flow toward the therapist. A couple may jointly project onto the therapist (for example, viewing them as a critical authority figure or an idealized rescuer), and the therapist may develop their own emotional responses to the couple in turn. This is known as countertransference.

Awareness of countertransference is essential to effective practice. As Freud recognized, a therapist attuned to their own emotional reactions in session gains valuable information about what the couple is unconsciously communicating. The therapist’s internal experience becomes a diagnostic tool – an indication of the projective pressures being exerted within the room.

Breaking unhealthy relational patterns through transference work

The ultimate aim of working with transference in psychodynamic couples therapy is not merely insight – it is change. When partners recognize that their emotional reactions are rooted in earlier, unresolved experiences, they can begin to engage with each other more accurately and more compassionately. The projective cycle, once made visible, loses some of its grip.

Psychodynamic couple therapists describe this as moving from a “projective gridlock” toward more flexible, secure connection. Partners stop needing each other to carry their disowned emotional material and begin to take ownership of their own internal worlds. Communication becomes more direct. Conflicts become less catastrophic. The relationship, rather than serving as a repository for unresolved personal pain, becomes a context for genuine mutual understanding.

This is not a quick process. Transference is deeply ingrained, and the emotional patterns it generates have often been reinforced over years – sometimes decades. But the psychodynamic approach offers something that surface-level communication techniques cannot: access to the underlying emotional architecture of the relationship, and the tools to rebuild it from the inside out.

What do you think? When you reflect on recurring patterns in close relationships, do you notice any emotional reactions that seem stronger than the situation warrants – and could those reactions have roots in earlier experiences? And if transference operates largely outside our awareness, what does that suggest about how much of our relationship conflict is really about the person in front of us?

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References
  1. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/transference
  2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference
  3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Projective_identification
  4. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0003065119869942
  5. https://www.baypsychologygroup.com/unconscious-couple-fit/
  6. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64952/
  7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-our-way/202409/projective-identification-in-couples
  8. https://www.relationalpsych.group/articles/the-role-of-transference-in-therapy-a-key-to-unlocking-deeper-healing
  9. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7451340/
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Psychotherapeutic Methods

1 Psychoanalysis, Psychoanalytic/Psychodynamic Therapy

  1. Psychoanalysis
  2. Theoretical Models
  3. Freudian Psychoanalytical Theory
  4. Basic Human Drives
  5. Structural and Topographical Models of Personality
  6. Stages of Psychosexual Development
  7. Ego Defense Mechanisms
  8. Limitations
  9. Object Relations Theory
  10. Symbiosis and Separation/Individuation
  11. Self Identity and Gender Identity
  12. Reproduction of Social Patterns
  13. Self Psychology
  14. Attachment Theory
  15. Lacanian Psychoanalysis
  16. Postmodern Schools
  17. Psychoanalytic/ Psychodynamic Therapy
  18. Basic Tenets and Concepts of Psychoanalytic Therapy
  19. Components of Psychoanalytic and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy
  20. Distinctive Features of Psychodynamic Technique

2 Insight Psychotherapy, Interpersonal Psychotherapy

  1. Insight Psychotherapy
  2. Psychoanalysis
  3. Analytical Psychology
  4. Existential Therapy
  5. Person Centered Therapy
  6. Evaluation of Insight Therapies
  7. Behaviour Therapies
  8. Gestalt Therapy
  9. Interpersonal Psychotherapy (IPT)
  10. Characteristics of Interpersonal Psychotherapy
  11. Techniques of Interpersonal Therapy

3 Short Term Psychotherapies

  1. Short Term Psychotherapy
  2. Defining Features of Short Term Therapies
  3. Psychodynamic Approaches
  4. David Malan and the Triangle of Insight
  5. The Work of Habib Davanloo
  6. Anxiety-Provoking and Anxiety-Suppressive Therapies
  7. The Work of James Mann
  8. Cognitive and Behavioural Approaches
  9. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Cognitive Therapy
  10. Interpersonal Therapy
  11. Problem-Solving Therapy (PST)
  12. Computerised CBT and Guided Self-Help
  13. Relational Approaches
  14. Time Limited Dynamic Psychotherapy (TLDP)
  15. Psychodynamic Interpersonal Therapy (PIT)
  16. Brief Relational Therapy (BRT)
  17. Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT)
  18. Pragmatic, Eclectic Therapies
  19. Interpersonal, Developmental and Existential Therapy (IDE)
  20. The Work of Garfield
  21. Winston and Winston
  22. Very Brief Therapy
  23. Motivational Interviewing
  24. Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT)

4 Methods of Child Psychotherapy

  1. Psychoanalytic Approaches
  2. Parent Infant Psychotherapy
  3. Mentaliseren Bevorderende Kinder Therapy (MBKT)
  4. Attachment Based Interventions
  5. Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy
  6. ‘Circle of Security’
  7. Attachment and Biobehavioural Catch-Up (ABC)
  8. Play Therapy
  9. Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)
  10. The Developmental, Individual-Difference and Relationship-Based Model (DIR)

5 Behaviour Modification Techniques

  1. Behaviour Modification
  2. Characteristics of Behaviour Modification
  3. Historical Overview of Behaviour Modification
  4. Observing and Recording Behaviour
  5. Respondent Conditioning and Counterconditioning
  6. Operant Conditioning
  7. Operant Conditioning Procedures
  8. Contingency Contracting
  9. Decreasing Undesirable Behaviours
  10. Areas of Application

6 Cognitive Behaviour Therapies (Including Rational Emotive Therapy)

  1. History of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
  2. Theory of Causation
  3. Dysfunctional Thinking
  4. Steps in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
  5. The Process of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

7 Solution Focused Therapy

  1. Solution Focused Therapy (SFT)
  2. Ingredients of Solution Focused Therapy
  3. The Practice of Solution Focused Therapy
  4. Focal Issue
  5. The Message

8 Integrative and Multimodal Therapies

  1. Integrative Psychotherapy
  2. Historical Overview of the Integrative Movement
  3. Different Ways to Psychotherapy Integration
  4. Evidence-Based Therapy and Integrative Practice
  5. Multimodal Therapy

9 Roger’s Client Centered Therapy

  1. Views of Human Nature
  2. Goals of Client Centered Therapy
  3. The Counselling Process
  4. Intervention Strategies
  5. Counselling Relationship

10 Family and Group Psychotherapy

  1. History and Theoretical Frameworks of Family Therapy
  2. Techniques of Family Therapy
  3. Models of Family Therapy
  4. Group Therapy vs. Individual Therapy
  5. Therapeutic Principles

11 Psychodynamic Couple Therapy

  1. Nature and Definition of Couples Therapy
  2. Approaches to Couples Therapy
  3. Psychodynamic Therapy and Couples Counseling
  4. Systems Approach and Couples Counseling
  5. Client Centered Therapy
  6. Behavioral Approach
  7. Psychodynamic Couples Therapy: An Object Relations Approach
  8. Clinical Illustration and Analysis: Conflict as a Safe Haven
  9. Projective Identification
  10. Empathy
  11. Transference
  12. Clinical Illustration and Case Analysis
  13. Use of Transference in Couples Therapy
  14. Clinical Illustration and Case Analysis
  15. The Frame of Object Relations Couples Therapy

12 Psychotherapy Integration

  1. Definition of Integrative Psychotherapy
  2. Historical Overview of the Integrative Movement
  3. Variables Responsible for Growth of Psychotherapy Integration
  4. Different Ways to Psychotherapy Integration
  5. Eclecticism
  6. Differences between Eclecticism and Psychotherapy Integration
  7. Theoretical Integration
  8. Assimilative Integration
  9. The Common Factor Approach
  10. Multi Theoretical Approaches
  11. The Trans Theoretical Model
  12. Brooks-Harris’ Multi Theoretical Model
  13. Helping Skills Approach to Integration
  14. Evidence Based Therapy and Integrative Practice
  15. Future of Psychotherapy Schools and Therapy Integration

13 Psychotherapy with Children and Adults

  1. Psychodynamic Therapy with Children
  2. Psychodynamic Play Therapy
  3. Working with Parents
  4. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with Children
  5. Behaviour Modification and Parent Training
  6. Individual Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
  7. Working with Parents
  8. Family Therapy
  9. Children and Young People in Family Therapy
  10. Brief Solution-Focused Therapy
  11. Narrative Therapy
  12. Psychotherapy with Adolescents
  13. Developmental Considerations
  14. Depression
  15. Interpersonal Therapy
  16. Anxiety
  17. Conduct Disorders
  18. Multisystem Therapy

14 Psychotherapy with Adults and Middle Aged Persons

  1. Psychotherapy with Fledgling Adults
  2. Life Stage Issues with Fledgling Adults
  3. Psychosocial Tasks of Middle Adulthood
  4. Psychotherapy with Young Adults
  5. Overview of Young Adult Issues
  6. The Psychotherapy Model and Young Adult Issues
  7. The Medical Model and Young Adult Issues
  8. Therapy for Young Adult Issues
  9. Psychotherapy with People in Middle Adulthood
  10. Parallels and Distinctions

15 Psychotherapy with Older Adults

  1. Background
  2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
  3. Cognitive Analytical Therapy
  4. Psychodynamic Therapy
  5. Interpersonal Therapy
  6. Systemic (Family) Therapy
  7. Reminiscence/ Life Review Therapy
  8. Psychotherapy in Dementia
  9. Therapies for Specific Problems
  10. Modification or Adaptation of Treatment

16 Psychotherapy in Terminal Illnesses (AIDS, Cancer)

  1. Terminal Illness and Psychotherapy
  2. Goals of Therapy with Dying Persons
  3. Therapeutic Approaches
  4. The Psychodynamic Approach
  5. The Humanistic Approach
  6. The Behavioural Approach
  7. Family Approach
  8. Major Therapy Issues
  9. The Psychology of Dying Person
  10. Emotional Reactions
  11. Cancer
  12. Aids
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